Thursday, August 25, 2011

I Ate What???

Cheat Like You Mean It

Cheating is something you hear a lot about in the paleo world. Some contend that having an blueberry muffin now and again is OK, others look for paleo–compliant equivalents of otherwise bad food, and the extreme want to toss you out of the paleosphere for merely mentioning the word bread. It’s a hot topic, everyone has a different opinion, and tempers can flare.

I’m firmly on the side of enjoying life. If you think about that statement for a moment, you’ll see that it’s ambivalent. So, do I endorse cheating? If you’re changing your diet for specific health reasons, such as combating diabetes or other metabolic problems, cheating is obviously a bad idea. However, for the rest of us I think there can be some leeway. As in all things, though, the most important thing is to really do it right.

A guy who favored cheatingImage from Wikimedia CommonsSo if you’re going to cheat, don’t hold back. Legendary theologian and all around bad boy Martin Luther once said, Sin boldly!1 (A friend of mine modified that to Turn out the lights and sin boldly but that’s a story for another time.) Call me a perfectionist, but I’ve always been a big believer in going all out or not going at all. In that spirit, here’s how I cheat:

  1. First, get the least healthy, the most processed, the flat–out whitest white bread you can find. We didn’t have any Wonder Bread®, so I had to make do with something lesser. (I don’t live alone, and not everyone in the house follows a paleo diet, so things like this are always at hand. Bad for most days, but great for cheat days):
  2. Next, schmear it with some butter: (Like most, I used to think butter was bad, so I considered this to be part of the health hazard of this treat. I now know that it’s the only healthy thing in it.)
  3. Then pile one slice as high as you can with the worst mass–market potato chips you can find (I vote for Ruffles®, although these were a generic store–brand equivalent):
  4. Place the other slice of death bread on top:
  5. Smoosh it all the way down:
  6. And, of course, eat it!
  7. Finally, do it all over again:

Now, before either one of us has a heart attack, I only indulge in these bad boys maybe once every few years. (That was true even before I found paleo.) But, as I said, I firmly believe that if you’re going to do something, go all the way. I think you can agree that the Potato Chip Sandwich is definitely going all the way.

Melissa McEwen of Hunt.Gather.Love. fame tweeted this yesterday:

The most #faileo food of the month goes to [7–Eleven Introduces The Hot Dog Flavored Potato Chip]2

As is my nature, I issued a challenge:

I can beat that. Will blog it tomorrow...3

I think I win.Winnah!

So, help me find more fun, health–wrecking ways to indulge in the occasional cheat! (Or at least to make fun of them.) What are your favorite death foods?


1Martin Luther.Wikiquote. 2011–08–20. Web. 2011–08–25.
2McEwen, Melissa. Twitter. 2011–08–24. Web. 2011–08–25.
3Pizolato, Michael. Twitter. 2011–08–24. Web. 2011–08–25.
Wonder Bread® is a registered trademark of Interstate Bakeries Corporation.
Ruffles® is a registered trademark of the Frito–Lay Corporation.


Justine said...

the impact of the Death Bread is drastically reduced by a higher ratio of butter, you want to see teeth marks in it or you're getting it all wrong ;) I can't believe this is the first thing I'm commenting on in your blog, but hey, I used to eat these when I was a kid but with Marmite on there as well. Not sure if you'd be familiar with it over there ;)

Also I no longer refer to these days as cheat days. Because it implies that its actually a bad thing, which it really isn't provided you're sticking to an 80:20 rule ;)

Michael Pizolato said...

Nope, not familiar with Marmite, although from what I learned on Wikipedia it seems pretty antipaleo. I'll have to see if it's available around here - sometimes I'll spot Vegemite, so maybe it is.

This is serious snack science, so I'll recraft the paradigm to try to solve the Butter Problem. This time it was hard as a rock because it had just come from the fridge, hence the clumpy spreading. On a related note, FRG (that's my Free-Range Granddaughter, see here) demands to gnaw butter right off the stick every time I get it out. She knows what's good!

Dogfood411 said...

This reminds me of the pretzel and mustard sandwiches an empty larder would force on me (this was usually after I'd polished off the pea burritos). Ah, college...

Michael P (@PizSez) said...

Ah yes, I have similar memories of college, involving potato chip casserole. :)

sotarrthewizard said...

You used RUFFLES when WISE was available ??? With the Wise Chips I remember from ye goode olde days, you could practically squeeze the bag and get grease dripping. . .

Post a Comment

COMMENTS POLICY: Comments on this site are not moderated, but may be deleted at the discretion of the site moderators. All civil comments are welcome, regardless of content. If a comment is deleted, reasons may be provided, but usually will not be.